Wonder why and how, I am beginning to have a new but rather unhealthy habit of bedding. My sleeping time is no longer 3 or 4 a.m. 7 or 8 is always the time I feel weary and getting the feeling of sleeping in my cozy nest. Well, I don't really feel the bad of having such habit since I'm currently not working on anything. I'm becoming lazy.
Even there's nothing burdening me, I'm still feeling tire...... So tire......
Lots of stuff worried me. Academic, family, financial, social and even future. Guess the advantage of doing nothing and having such free and relaxing days is to have more time of thinking. Each night, I spent one or two hours doing nothing but to lay on bad and did some brain works.
I'm been thinking of the reality of chasing my long lusting dream. Is it what I desire for?
The efforts I'm been working on. Are they resulting?
This life I'm having. Is it worthy?
Ever since childhood time, I always dream of studying oversea. Not to mention which country, but to say visiting a new country will be a change of life for me. Therefore, I always work hard to fulfill this promise. A promise I made with myself back to childhood time.
But, I figured out how poor I am in all sort of area. I hardly feel the improvements... of my skills, knowledge, mind and thinking. Perhaps, I'm not hard working enough. All this while, I'm been over excited or maybe proud of my achieving. Shortly, I found how foolish I was to be happy on such poor and minor victory. This will not be my target of life. I told myself each night.
Strangely, I always think worry of such thing in every single night. But glad to say, I totally forget everything after a sleep. Now I even feel lighter after expressing all my worries.
Don't mind this post. It's just a random expression from a fool.
Even there's nothing burdening me, I'm still feeling tire...... So tire......
Lots of stuff worried me. Academic, family, financial, social and even future. Guess the advantage of doing nothing and having such free and relaxing days is to have more time of thinking. Each night, I spent one or two hours doing nothing but to lay on bad and did some brain works.
I'm been thinking of the reality of chasing my long lusting dream. Is it what I desire for?
The efforts I'm been working on. Are they resulting?
This life I'm having. Is it worthy?
Ever since childhood time, I always dream of studying oversea. Not to mention which country, but to say visiting a new country will be a change of life for me. Therefore, I always work hard to fulfill this promise. A promise I made with myself back to childhood time.
But, I figured out how poor I am in all sort of area. I hardly feel the improvements... of my skills, knowledge, mind and thinking. Perhaps, I'm not hard working enough. All this while, I'm been over excited or maybe proud of my achieving. Shortly, I found how foolish I was to be happy on such poor and minor victory. This will not be my target of life. I told myself each night.
Strangely, I always think worry of such thing in every single night. But glad to say, I totally forget everything after a sleep. Now I even feel lighter after expressing all my worries.
Don't mind this post. It's just a random expression from a fool.
i sometimes feel kinda sad too over the mundane going ons in my life. at such times, i can't help but compare what i have done so far to the many changes that people around me are achieving.
ReplyDeleteit's never good to compare yourself to others. all i can do now is to just go with the flow and when oportunity comes, i will definitely seize, hopefully.
i don't think about going overseas now. i just wanna grad with top grades, so no need to return my loan.. hehe..
Well, guess that's should be the spirit! I guess sometime I just being too panoramic. It's not just that I'm trying to compare myself with other, but it's more like I believe when there's a competition there will be improvement. I'm so glad that you spent time on my post all this time. I really appreciate your advices as well as your useful suggestions!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm happy now! Like you, my current target is to graduate with my best effort! I'm still have a scholarship to hold on. I think that will be my current target!
Haha, thanks Quinn!
Haha, I mean paranoid not panoramic!
ReplyDeleteHaha, typed too fast!